Lost …

I am sitting on my couch and I’m completely lost. A patient died today and that wasn’t even the worst part of my day. Getting home and my kids waking right past me to take a shower, without saying “Hi Mommy!”, that was the worst part of my day. I mention it to my husband … I’m over reacting. Yeah. Apparently I don’t handle anything the right way. I’m weak. I shouldn’t be a nurse. I shouldn’t work the hours I do. I am not home enough. I am not part of this family, enough. I think that I am, enough. I think that I do a lot for this family. But apparently I don’t do enough. What is “enough”? I don’t know. Does anybody know? How to separate the nurse from the mother or the wife. I have no idea. Maybe I just need a different “job”. Maybe, I’m just overreacting. A patient died today. I should be ok. I should move on. That should be enough. Enough to make me feel Lost.

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